Apr 18, 2008
Today is easter and during the break in between pagan rituals giving tribute to Zeus and Apollo I thought “Boy, I want to be god:”
1. People send me billions of dollars and I don’t have to pay any tax. “I want my money back preachers…”
2. I don’t have to do miracles anymore since my son Jesus and Moses are dead.
3. I win every sporting event – don’t you hear them thank me every time they win?
4. I’m off every day except for Sunday’s.
5. My book has been a number #1 best seller for almost two millennium. Try that Rowling, Tolkien, Hubbard!
6. People die in my name thinking they’re going to receive 70 virgins. Heck, I’m not giving up any of my posse – whacha’ thinking holmes? Geez, even Governor Spitzer had to pay thousands per hour for his beotch.
7. My name backward is Dog.
8. Billions of people talk to you and you don’t have to answer back.
9. No one has ever found a likeness of me in a pancake or a tree or whatever you weirdoes.
10. And, the number one reason I want to be god: People say my name during sex!
When is the next “god” election? Vote for me!